


Ghost of You

by LuxahHeart



Category: Bakuten Shoot Beyblade, Beyblade
Genre: Blood, F/M, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Terminal Illnesses, Time Travel, Vomiting, knocking on deaths door
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 17:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19361140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuxahHeart/pseuds/LuxahHeart
Summary: After another day of taking care of Kai, to his daughter disobeying, and living in an arranged marriage for the past thirteen years, Ray is at his wits end. Slowly he's losing the hope he's been holding onto, watching the man he loves die with little to no sleep or food. He finds himself talking to the younger, healthier, version of the love of his life.





	Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> Sakura once again has given me the wonderful chance to play around in her Resemblance timeline. This go around we're in the future, that has been talked about back in What's Left, to where Kai is ill and slowly dying. This again was done through an RP with her and I, at the start she voiced Kai and I voiced Ray till the break in the chapter to where we switched roles.   
> You can find her fic on Fanfiction.net under the title Resemblance by JuliaFernandezHiwatari.  
> Take note, I still don't know how to tag these properly. If you feel I need to add a tag, let me know.  
> This one might induce some tears, have tissues at the ready. Ps, this is roughly 30 pages, bit of a long one-shot but I didn't feel it fit to break it apart or cut things out.   
> This takes place after Tipsy Turvey and What's Left.

There was quiet around him, the only familiar sound signaling that he was still alive being the rotating fan that stood low behind his head. His eyes peered around the room. Where was he at? He sat up, the feeling of vertigo, intense heat, and nausea setting in again.

            He felt something lukewarm fall onto his lap. The aging man looked down and saw a pink rag on his shaking and ever-thinning thighs. Why was that there, and why was he not in his home in Russia. Where was he?! In a panic he looked around, forget his safety, where was his son?

            “Gou?” He yelled out, ragged breaths escaping as he struggled to move from the couch he was on for some reason.

            “Gou?” He let out in a frenzy, finally standing on his bare feet. He took a step to get around the coffee table and tripped over his own feet, hitting the left side of his face on it and then planting into the hardwood floor.

            “Ow.” He croaked out in a whimper. Everything on him, inside and out, ached and burned. His whole body felt like it was inflamed with infection. That’s because it was.

            “Gou!” He called out once more, desperate to know if he was okay. What was going on here? Where was he?

            “Gou?” He sobbed, finally breaking. He hoisted himself onto the couch with all his trembling might. He plopped over onto some pillows in a limp heap and bawled, his heart crumbling into pieces for the millionth time.

            From the kitchen Ray could hear the desperate cries coming from the living room, then came the thud of Kai falling, again, and then the sobbing that would break anyone's heart.

            He finished preparing the food that he was making for Kai, he needed them for his pills and couldn't just abandon it because they were important, but every second he was still in there getting Kai what he needed Ray felt terrible.

            Soon enough, with Kai's crying getting to the point he was really sobbing, Ray finally stepped out with the small plate of food and the small cup of pills in hand.

            "Hey, hey it's alright Kai." He said soothingly, setting the items in his hands down on the coffee table where he placed himself between it and the couch.

            “No it’s not!” Kai screamed out without looking at him. “Where’s Gou, and where am I? What is this place Ray? And why can’t I move?” He felt the panic rise higher with every question, bordering on an attack. He clutched at his chest, his heart beating rapidly.

            Ray sighed, placing a hand on Kai's shoulder in hopes of calming him down. Keeping himself kneeled on the floor just beside the couch, acting more as a barrier in case Kai ended up falling off of it again.

            "He's not here right now, but he's safe. You're here with Max, Tyson, and me in New York. We brought you here because you're sick, Kai, but we're making you better. That's why we're here and why I need you to calm down, so you can eat."

            With another sob and a sniffle Kai lifted his heavy head, tears still falling slowly out of his eyes. He blinked, feeling the cogs his head click suddenly. His gaze went from a worrisome looking Ray to the floor then back to the man again. That’s right, he was sick, Gou was gone trying to prevent this.

            Kai looked around at the couch, oh yes, he’d fallen down the stairs. Lin was teaching him to walk down them again, and he’d suddenly lost all strength and balance and tumbled down. He’d lost consciousness after Ray had come back in.

            “I know, Ray. I know.” He finally said, knowing eyes keeping the other man’s attention. He was calmer now, but he still couldn’t relax and he wouldn't until this was all over and Gou was in his arms again.

            Ray gave him a small half smile, he said that a lot and at times didn't mean it. There were too many times that this kept happening and they all felt powerless, but that was life it seemed and life had been overly cruel to Kai in particular.

            Maybe it was the buried, long forgotten, feelings that Ray had for the other man. Maybe it was just because they were still friends even after everything, but he could hardly stand the sight. It was hard enough, having gotten that call that seemed so long ago when Kai had fallen ill, then knowing that this could have been prevented if they had just been more careful.

            Yet, they were all left feeling responsible for it ever happening. Left to try and make this right, sending Gou off to the past to try and fix this and so far things just kept getting worse. Not that his daughter was much of a help either at the moment.

            "Okay, can you take these then and eat for me?" He asked, holding out the small plastic cup with Kai's pills for him.

            Kai took the cup and tossed the pills back, gulping them down with what moisture his cotton mouth still had. Then he grabbed the water and emptied that. He eyed the muffin and jam Ray had brought him. He felt his stomach churn, the sensation of vomiting coming to again. This happened every time he ate. He understood why he had to eat, it was Emily’s orders, but what was the point when all it did to you was make things worse?

            “Ray, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can. I’ll be lucky if I can keep the water down.”

            "Here." Ray broke apart the muffin, handing a bite sized piece out for him. "It's just bread, maybe if you eat it in small bits it won't be as hard to keep down. You need something though."

            Kai took the piece in his shaky fingers. He popped it into his mouth and immediately he had to fight the urge his body wanted. With a few chews he got that down, praying it wouldn’t come back up. Nothing ever tasted good the second time around and he was tired of what it did to him.

            “Thank you... Ray.” Doing that little bit of movement wore him out. He felt like he’d just ran a mile but nope, he was just sitting and eating.

            "Don't have to thank me for anything." Ray smiled a bit more at him, this time almost a full on smile. When was the last time he had even really smiled? He couldn't really remember, not after everything that had been going on.

            "Here, try some more, just to have something in you. If it comes back up, it comes back up." He handed another bite sized piece out to him. Finally settling down off his knees onto the floor more properly in the small space allotted to him.

            “That’s easy for you to say.”

            Looking Ray over, Kai sent him a glare. What was he doing? He wasn’t a child. “You can sit next to me you know? Blood poisoning, or whatever this shit is, isn’t contagious!” He didn’t mean to sound so blunt about it but this was getting old.

            If he was immobilized it’d be one thing, but he wasn’t. Well, technically he was, oh what did Emily know?!

            Ray rolled his eyes, even with Kai knocking on death's door he still was temperamental. "I'm sitting here so you don't fall on your ass again, and I'm comfortable right here."

            “Ah, of course you are.” He spat. Deep down Kai was happy for the support though. He always was, but even now he was the renowned ‘asshole’ of their little group.

            “How’s he doing, back there?” He started, feeling winded. Why did this stupid sickness have to make everything such a damn chore?

            "I haven't really heard back from him yet. When I do, I'll let you know though." Ray said as he tore off another small piece of bread for him, handing it to him.

            “I’m worried about him.” Kai popped that one in his mouth and had the same urge happen again but this time he talked as he chewed, hoping it might distract his mind.

            “Wonder what _Dipshit_ is doing to him.” He was referring to his younger self and he felt no one would argue with that naming.

            "Probably being an asshole." Ray mused with a fanged smirk, liking this better than the alternative; Kai forgetting what was going on around him or puking his guts out.

            "Then again, you weren't always that bad and you always did have a soft spot for kids.

            “If you say so. Kids still give me headaches, one nut in particular has been giving them to me a lot lately.”

            Kai was referring to all the changes to their memories. He still had some pieces left untouched but Gou hadn’t returned yet, so nothing had merged. Meaning he had two lives in his head. One alone and without any outside influence, the other full of time spent with a mysterious kid, and he knew more shifts were just around the corner.

            “Have you had any headaches?”

            "Just a few." Ray responded, "But he's not there for me, it's not my life that's getting fixed back there." He hoped he was making sense, hell it was still hard sometimes to even think that Gou was indeed in the past and mingling with their younger selves at times.

            “I just hope he doesn’t hate me.”

            The heat ran through Kai’s body again, making him sway from side to side. At least that’s how it felt. If Ray said anything he’d know he was really moving and he hated when that happened.

            “Ray?” Kai muttered and then he felt himself go weightless again, falling to one side.

            Ray grabbed him before he fell too hard, luckily he had stayed on the floor between the couch and coffee table. "It's okay, I got you." He soothed, maybe for the both of them, and helped guide Kai down onto the couch on his side.

            He had to stand, moving Kai's legs up so he could lay more comfortably. Finding the pink washcloth on the floor he picked it up, he'd need to run it under some cold water again to get it wet for him but didn't want to leave until he knew Kai wouldn't just roll off the couch again.

            "And don't worry, he's not going to hate you. You know nobody really hates you." He added once he knew Kai was settled on the couch, taking his spot back down on the floor beside him and brushed back his bangs from Kai's forehead that was sticking to his sweaty skin.

            Kai felt his body heat rise, meaning the blood was flowing quicker, racing its way to his palpitating heart. His breaths were rapid and came in short bursts. His body jerked, sending waves of pain from his chest to his joints.

            “Ahh, make it stop!” He wasn’t one to cry out in agony but this was too much. His chest felt like it was being ripped open again and there was no stopping what was to come.

            He heard the clang of the metal trashcan being placed on the floor just below him, now all he had to do was let go, but what would letting go lead to this time?

            Ray stood back to the side, though put his hands on Kai's shoulders as he heaved into the trashcan he had placed under him; just to keep him from falling into it all headfirst. He was so small now, so fragile, that Ray at times was afraid of ever touching him because of the fear that he'd be able to snap him in half.

            Kai's once broad shoulders, that were nothing compared to what they used to be, trembled and shook under Ray's hands as he heaved. The smell of blood causing Ray's nose to curl, his own form of bile to rise in his throat but was able to hold it all down for the sake of keeping Kai from falling until it was over and done with.

            Guiding him back down onto the couch, propping Kai up on a pillow against the armrest of the couch, he picked up the trashcan just to get it out of the room for the time being. The stench was overwhelming him, and who knew what it'd do to Kai if he let it just sit there for a minute more.

            When he came back, having taken the washcloth with him as well, he placed the soaked fabric on Kai's forehead again, under his bangs, and sat on the other end of the couch by Kai's feet. Having picked them up, small and limp legs now, and placed them over his own thighs where he sat and rubbed at them gently; knowing they were probably going numb at the moment.

            “Don’t, that hurts.” Kai wailed, pins and needles running throughout his entire body. He hated it, but subconsciously knew that it had to be done. It was better for him, right? All this pain and misery, it was all for his benefit.

            "I'm sorry." Ray stopped immediately, even if he knew it would help the blood flow in Kai's legs he couldn't, wouldn't, be the reason he was hurting more and now the guilt settled in harder that he had him eat something just for it to come back up like it always did.

            They had talked about sticking an IV into him but Tyson had quickly shot that idea down, Kai was too weak to handle being stuck with a needle in his body all day and the damage could be worse if they had done that to him.

            “Gods I hate this!” Kai screamed, not caring for little ears possibly nearby. Kai tried to pull himself in, to curl up, but it hurt too much. So, he laid there, listening to Ray mutter a small prayer in Chinese.

            "I know..." Ray sighed, all that was left to really do was just sit there with him for the time being. To watch over him and make sure he was still breathing, that's all that mattered right now.

            "But you'll be okay, Gou will take care of this and you'll be better. I promise." Even though he had said this since it all started, he still only half believed himself when said it.

            Even if they all wanted to believe it, they were left with wondering if it had been such a good idea to send a child back there to do this. Put a burden on such a young person, instead of letting him be there with his dying father while one of them had gone back.

            Kai moved, jolting a little but pushing past it so he could properly sit up. He pulled out the cane Max had bought him some days ago. He said thank you and took it but swore inside at the prospect of using such a thing. He placed the flat end on the floor and felt himself become more steady, actually still. maybe using this wouldn’t be so bad. It still sucked though.

            "And where are you going?" Ray asked in a slight huff, even with Kai bedridden the idiot still liked to think he wasn't.

            “I need coffee, and you’re not getting it for me.” Kai didn’t mean anything bad by it but he didn’t know how else to handle the situation. Getting your independence stripped away isn’t an easy thing to accept.

            "If you asked me I would have." Ray said bluntly, watching Kai fight with himself to even stand on his own two feet now.

            "I still will if you ask me nicely." He played with him, hoping that Kai knew he was playing since he still liked to hold onto that temper of his at the best, and worst, of times.

            Kai chuckled to himself, finding his wobbly footing after a hard push upward. “Ray, come on, I’m not _that_ much of a mess.”

            _Have you seen yourself? You weak fool._ A little voice in his head said, making him stand still.

            He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked to see Ray standing next to him. Guess he’d spaced out, again.

            "I didn't say you were, now did I?" Ray teased again, "C'mon, let's get you some coffee you stubborn old man." He let Kai lean on him, stepping slowly with him. Walking, although it scared Ray half to death whenever Kai would, was good for him.

            "Have you heard from Lin, at all today?" Kai started as they made their way into the kitchen, Ray sitting him in a chair at the table while he went to make his drink.

            Ray frowned as he went about getting the coffee going for him, no he hadn't and it was probably a good thing she hadn't been around when he came back in to find Kai on the ground the day before.

            "No." He growled out unconsciously, "Haven't seen her, haven't heard from her, and it's probably a good thing."

            "Don't blame her for yesterday. She just wanted to help the process along." Kai cut in, hearing how angry the village leader was.

            "I have every right to blame her, I told her no. To leave you alone and she didn't want to listen, she's lucky she hasn't been around because I'd be sending her back to her mother." Ray bit out, though it wasn't at Kai in anyway. It wasn't his fault his daughter had corn in her ears, since Kai was the one paying the price for it now.

            "You could have been killed, falling down like that. And with her being _my_ daughter that guilt would fall onto me."

            Kai shook his head. He looked at him with a kind smile. "Ray she's a twelve-year-old girl whose heart is bigger than her head, she meant well. Hn, she reminds of someone I knew back in the day."

            Ray's anger seemed to simmer down, even if he knew his daughter was in for a swift punishment the next time he saw her.

            "Yeah, well. I had the good sense to listen when I was told not to do something." He retorted with an eye roll, bringing Kai's cup of coffee to him at the table where he sat beside him with his own.

            Kai pulled out a cigar from his box on the table and lit it with the long, black and red lighter he had next to it.

            "Mm, of course you did. _That_ inability comes from her mother." Kai took a drag off of the Cuban stick and puffed. He set it in the ashtray to his right and took up his coffee. Black with milk.

            "Don't have to remind me." Ray shook his head some, "And I still hate that."

            "What, this?" Kai said with a small laugh, pointing to his cigar and its accompanying tray. "I happen to enjoy it. Smells nice." His mind raced, going to other things, one in particular.

            "Do you think he'll learn about it?"

            "It does smell nice, but you just threw up blood. _This_ is the last thing you need right now." Ray said as he plucked the cigar from the ashtray, taking a small drag off it before snuffing it out in the ashtray.

            "Learn about what?" He asked almost mindlessly, sipping at his own coffee.

            Kai damn near spat out his coffee. Was he playing dumb? "Pfft, the whole betrothal mess, _us_?"

            Ray gave him a weird look, of all the times to bring _that_ up he chose now?

"I don't see why he would. _I_ wouldn't tell him, and it's not like the others know what actually happened between us and we've never mentioned it to the kids."

            "Yes, but he's around _me_ and when I'm drunk I have a mouth. At least that's what you all and Saori said."

            "Because you do." Ray snickered some, taking another sip of his coffee before he sat it down and played with the handle as if needing a distraction.

            "I mean... Do you even remember any of the things we actually did?"

            Kai thought about it. "Oh geez, not really no, but I do remember you tasting like Christmas candy."

            Kai took another gulp of his coffee and coughed after it went down, the sensation stinging his ever-swelling throat.

            "Maybe that's a good thing." Ray said, though his eyes were trained on his cup as if he couldn't look back up at him.

            They had been each other’s first, everything, and only because of his sealed fate that's all it was and could be. He made it work with Mariah, because he _had_ to make it work, but he'd be lying if he ever said he had stopped loving Kai.

            "So, me getting old is a good thing?" Kai couldn't help but find this funny.

            In the midst of laughing though, a coughing fit hit. This one wasn't going to be a good one either. Kai grabbed some tissues from the box adjacent to him and coughed chunks into them. Once it subsided he looked them over and grimaced. They were getting darker, meaning he was worse. He threw the small wad away with a shakiness he could only describe as trimmer-like.

            He didn't have Parkinson's but it sure felt like it at times. More pain jolted through his system as he felt his veins enlarge again. The poison was spreading.

            He laid his head on the table, feeling sleepy all the sudden. Maybe it was the medicines, maybe it wasn't. Oh well, he figured he'd see in due time.

            "I wouldn't say that." Ray said quietly, gently running his fingers through Kai's hair. "Because you getting old, means I'm getting old."

            "Mhmm." There was silence again; the only sensation he could feel was Ray's touch. Before Kai knew it, he'd fell asleep, his mind swimming but nothing came into view.

            Later, he came to on the couch again. He looked around to see the throw blanket on him and jumped went shouting entered his range of hearing. Really, outside? It was evening now and from the shouting, he guessed Lin had returned home, from whatever she was doing.

            He looked back at his front door; he'd forgotten how scary Ray was when he was angry. Poor Lin.

            The door opened; the twelve-year-old girls sobs almost to the point of it being mournful as she dashed inside, covering her face with her hands, and disappearing down the hall without so much as a word to Kai on the couch, a door slamming shut and cutting off the sounds of her pitiful sobs.

            "And if I ever find out you left again I'm sending you home to your mother!" Ray called after her, clearly he hadn't been done with her when she bolted into the house.

            Kai felt his blood boil uncharacteristically. "Ray." He started; his voice unfailingly calm. "I understand you're angry, but using her mother as a threat or punishment makes Mariah sound abusive." He said as Ray shut the door and stopped by the end of the stairs.

            Kai smirked at his friend, practically seeing the rage rushing through him. "What's the matter, did I push a button? Oops." Kai cleared his throat and shifted to get more comfortable on the couch.

            "What did she do to piss you off like that anyway?"

            "It is a punishment because she _begged_ to come here with me." Ray turned his slit eyes on him, pulling his arms around his chest as he stood firm facing him.

            "That means she needs to listen to me, already she failed to do that and then she runs off to the past with Gou! Without telling any one of us!"

            "Still, be careful." Kai then registered the last bit that Ray said. "AND SHE DID _WHAT?!_ "

            Ray smirked a little, there it was. Slowly he nodded his head as he went back to the couch and sat down, lifting Kai's legs again and putting them over his own to make himself comfortable.

            "Yup, ran off there because the last time she went she took some of his things and wanted to return them. While also to go back and give Gou an update on you, fall included. Said he hit her over the head for it." Ray explained in a more calm tone, his pupils dilating.

            "And apparently your big mouth did say something to him, but she didn't say to what extent."

            Kai went red and covered his face with a pillow. Why???

            "Lin!" Kai yelled up the stairs. "Young lady?"

            Ray's ears perked as Lin cracked her door open from down the hall, "Y-yes?" She called in a small, timid, voice with a few left over sniffs from her crying.

            "Come here Lin." Ray barked out.

            Her small feet carried her back down to them, keeping her head low with tears still running down her cheeks.

            "Y-yes Baba?" Her voice cracked.

            Kai motioned for her to come to him, the knuckles of his boney index finger looking knotted and veiny. Lin stepped around the coffee table, approaching her father and Kai on the couch. Her eyes only peeking out from under her pink bangs and shifting from her father on the left of her and Kai on the right. Not missing Kai's legs laid over her father's lap, or the way her father seemed more relaxed now after the volcano he had just been a moment ago outside with her.

            "Yes sir?"

            "Sweetie, I want to hear what happened. How is he?"

            Kai listened patiently to her, taking in all he could. In the end Kai was left with a red face, though feeling heartbroken trumped it.

            "Thank you. You may go now." He waved her off, Lin not hesitating in leaving but not without taking a quick glance at her father’s face before she bolted it back to her room.

            Kai looked at Ray who was biting back his anger again, once the door down the hall was closed again.

            "Breathe, Ray."

            Ray only glanced at him, gently pushing his legs off and setting them back on the couch. "I'm going to make dinner." He stated, sweeping past Kai on the couch and back into the kitchen.

            In seconds there came the loud clacking and banging of pots and pans, clearly taking his frustrations out on the kitchenware while in there.

            "You crack any of my shit and I'm sticking my 10 1/2 up your ass!!" Kai yelled, laying back on the couch.

            There was a loud, much louder, clang that came from the kitchen that was then followed by a deadly silence for what seemed to drag on forever.

            "Wouldn't be the first time!" Was what finally broke the silence, and just because he could Ray banged some more pots together out of spite.

            "Sorry Saori, he's officially stealing your kitchen." Kai mumbled to himself, sleep surrounding him again. He knew they would've gotten along, but he wondered how long it would've lasted; she was just as possessive of her kitchen as he was.

            An hour later, with less noise coming from inside the kitchen, Ray came back into the living room with a plate of food and another round of pills for Kai. Setting those down on the coffee table he went back into the kitchen, grabbing Lin's plate off the counter and taking it to her room so she could eat.   

            "I'm really, really sorry Baba." She said as he passed her plate over through the door.

            "You really scared me Lin, with a lot of this. I know you were trying to help, and I appreciate it, I really do. Just, please listen to me next time."

            "Yes Baba." She bowed her head some, slipping back into her room with her plate and shut the door.

            Ray let out a sigh, this wasn't fun on any level but there wasn't more that could be done about any of it. He took himself back to the living room, the smell of it having woken Kai up as he was slowly coming to and sitting up again. In his movements Ray could see that this nap had done him some good compared to all the others, maybe that was a good sign that things were going to be okay in the past.

            "Eat and then we'll get you in a bath." Ray commanded, pointing at the plate and then the small plastic cup of pills.

            Kai nodded and reached out for the pills. These damn horse-pills again.

            He tilted the cup back and in the midst of swallowing them, he barfed, a mix of hot blood and sour bile spewing all over everything in his line of sight. His eyes closed, and then with a bob of his head, he opened them back up again.

            "I'm sorry." Kai slurred out. "Must've sat up too quickly. I feel somewhat better though. For now anyway." He looked at the man cleaning up the mess he'd made, "I'm sorry." He said again.

            "It's really okay." Ray shook his head at him, "You don't have to be sorry for anything, okay?" He said in a voice laced with sadness and fondness, gently tilting Kai's chin up to wipe the blood off his face and from the corners of his mouth once the other things had been wiped down.

            It wasn't often, even now, that anyone got this close to him to help. There were a lucky few, especially if there wasn't anyone else around to do it, but though since Kai kept getting worse the more times Ray was left to be the one to take care of him.

            Kai plopped back down and curled over onto his left side, his back facing Ray. "I can't right now. I'll try again... L-later." His arms curled around his stomach, pleading anyone, _anything_ to stop this.

            In his head, there was a painful pop at the front and he gripped his hair with both hands screaming in agony.

            At the same time something pulsed through Ray's own head, biting back whatever was suddenly going on to get to Kai and put his knees against Kai's back as he started to twist on the couch; afraid that he'd fall off of it again and land on the floor, or clip the back of his head on the corner of the coffee table.

            He didn't know what kind of attack this was, what was suddenly going on with him as this seemed different to the other types of attacks Kai was prone to, and he couldn't even get through the mind numbing pain in his own head to speak. They just had to ride this out, whatever this was.

            After what seemed like an eternity, Kai's head relaxed, and he slowly pulled his hands away. He rolled over to see Ray standing over him, a sad look on his face.

            "Ray? Are you okay? My mind's moosh." It came out groggy, like he'd been asleep for days.

            Ray clutched the side of his head with one hand, wiping a small trail of blood from his nose with the back of his other and nodded slowly. "I'm fine..." He lied, but Kai came first.

            "Just relax and stay there for a minute, I'm gonna check on Lin..." He pulled himself away from the couch, pushing the damn coffee table as far away from Kai as he could just to be on the safe side before going down the hall.

            Kai watched him move the chunk of wood and dash up the steps, a panic to his stride.

            "What is going on here?"

            "Lin, Lin are you okay?" Ray frantically beat on the door until it cracked open, Ray looking over her quickly and sighed when she looked perfectly fine. It had just been them, for whatever reason.

            "Everything okay Baba?" Lin asked, seeing the smeared blood on his upper lip.

            "Yeah, was just checking on you." Ray ruffled her hair some, "You finish your dinner?"

            "I did." She bounced away from him, grabbing her plate and bringing it back to him at the door. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

            "No baby, you just get some rest now since it's late."

            "Okay, night Baba." She waved him off, closing her door again once he was already going back down the hall.

            "You ready to try and get washed up?" Ray asked once he was back down the stairs, wiping at his face again just to make sure he didn't have any more blood on him.

            "Gou did what?!" Kai grabbed the cane and stood up, glaring holes at the visitor who'd just stepped in.

            "Please tell me you're lying? That this is a joke!" He didn't want to believe his son could be that stupid.

            "I'm not Kai. Gou's altered history. He's resting at the moment. Your younger self and Ray took him inside. I have to say; younger you is handling it all pretty well. Usually, when you can't figure out something it bugs you."

            "Max, shut up!"

            "What was altered?" Ray jumped in, not having even noticed Max had stepped into the house at all.

            "Your dinguss of a nephew just made it where he doesn't remember Hilary! Not only that, but his influence made her so unhappy she became a drunk."

            Ray let out a breath, there were some pros and cons to that whole scenario. "They're still at the castle then, aren't they?"

            "Yeah." Max cut in, "Gou's in pretty bad shape though. Dranzer keeps sending Draciel SOS messages."

            Just then there was a rattling thud and Kai hit the floor.

            "Shit." Ray cursed, going over to pick him up. Max stepped up to help, getting pushed back. "I'm already covered in his blood; you don't need to get it on you either." Ray informed, though really he just didn't want the help right now.

            He knew it, they shouldn't have sent Gou to do this. It should have been one of them, not a boy who was barely a teenager let alone a man yet and it had been Max's idea to send Gou to start with.

            Today, it seemed, was just not the day to be pissing him off but everyone was making it a point to.

            "Gou will be fine, he has us there. Dranzer is probably freaking out about all of this like the rest of us, and Lin had Gou's Dranzer apparently for a while." He informed the blonde as he shifted Kai's weight back onto the couch, everything was going to have to be thoroughly disinfected now.

            "Yeah, I saw her back there. Couldn't do anything but watch. He handled it well. As good as we can expect him to anyway. This a mess."

            "Oh, you think?!" Ray snapped at him, turning back around to face him with his pupils slit.

            Max rolled his eyes and added, "Is there a reason you're covered in his bodily fluids again?"

            Ray narrowed his eyes at him, "Because I felt like dumping the puke bucket over my head Max." He said in a sarcastic tone, giving the blonde a dumb look for asking such a thing.

            "He's been puking nonstop, all fucking day, and then you want to come in here and just throw this bullshit down on top of him!" Oh, he was unhinged now and he wished he wasn't because that was never a good thing, but damn did it feel good to finally get this off his chest. He had held it in long enough.

            "Ray, breathe. I know you're stressed; we all are. I felt he needed to know. That's his son, he deserves to be kept in check " Max gave him a glare back. He understood Ray's side of things but this mother hen had too short a fuse nowadays.

            "You could have told him at a different time, instead you just pop in at the worst of times. You could have run it by me, seeing as how I'm the one here taking care of him, to at least ease the information in!" Ray didn't want to 'breathe', he wanted to hit something.

            "Ray, Kai will be fine. Gou has enough to get home and as long as no more craziness happens. It'll be fixable." Max could see in his eyes that he still loved him. After all the noise he and Tyson heard all those years ago, they knew there was something special between them.

            Ray's eyes filled with tears, his hands clenching at his sides. He didn't want to argue with him and at the same time he didn't want to believe him either, as much as he wanted to. To hold out hope that Gou would fix this, or if he even could at all.

            Kai was their friend, _his_ best friend, someone he held dear in his life and although it was a task in just taking care of him, he couldn't imagine how hard this had been for Gou. He was being selfish, in his actions and his feelings about this, but part of him couldn't help it. Not when he still loved Kai.

            "I'm sorry... I..." He finally took in that breath Max recommended, "Just next time, if something happens, let me know before you tell him. Okay?" He asked in more calm tone.

            "I understand." Max's watery blues went from the man on the sofa back to Ray, "Don't tell the kids, but he already looks dead. It may be too late and we just didn't see it." With that Max left, closing the door behind him.

            Ray's breath got sucked out of him, as if he just took a fist to the gut. He knew that, but dammit Max didn't have to say it!

            "Thanks for your help, captain obvious..." He bit at the now closed door.      

            "Ray?" Kai turned to look to him, blinking the tiredness away. Did he hear Max correctly?

            "How much... Am I dying?" He was sure he sounded like a child, but he couldn't help it.

            Ray's lip quivered as he looked back at Kai, damning the tears in his eyes again. "Let's not talk about it, okay? You're going to be... Going to be alright..." Never once in his life had he ever sounded so fake, broken down, the front he had put on since he arrived felt as though it was just shattering around him and there was nothing he could do about it.

            "C'mon, you need a bath and this place needs to be scrubbed." He held his hand out for him to take, the longer it took for them to get Kai upstairs and in a bath the longer it'd take for him to get back downstairs and clean the place up.

            "Ray, I..." Where he was going with what he wanted to say? Kai wasn't sure.

            Kai took Ray's hand and let him pull him up and into his arms. Kai leaned into his chest without realizing it. He'd fallen asleep again, this time Ray's heartbeat his lullaby. Ray hoisted him up into his arms, a long time ago he wouldn't have really been able to do that but now it was like lifting paper.

            It was such a simple task when it shouldn't have been, Kai shouldn't have to be going through this at all but yet he was. With every step he took, with the almost lifeless man against his chest, his own clenched until he finally got up to Kai's bedroom and laid him on the bed.

            "Kai, hey I need you to wake up for me." He tapped him on the shoulder, hoping to get him at least coherent enough to get him undressed and into the tub.

            With a swivel of his heavy head, Kai's dizzying gaze finally stalled when he saw gold. Something familiar, something tangible to keep him grounded, keep him here. He had to hang on, just a bit more, a bit longer, but he wasn't sure he could.

            Kai sat up and stripped, his hands not wanting to work properly. It was slow but he was able to get undressed eventually. He wiped his forehead; he was so sick of sweating he could scream.

            Ray came back into the room with a towel, wrapping it around Kai's waist as the tub in the bathroom filled with water. It'd be easier if he could just take a shower but they had tried that once and Kai about fell out of it, so it was baths for the grown man.

            There wasn't much talking between them as Ray carefully helped Kai off the bed, putting his skinny arm around his broader neck, before walking him to the bathroom. They had to be quick because of the air, if Kai got too chilled it'd bring on another attack and it didn't matter how hot they made the place; Kai was always cold these days despite him sweating all the time.

            "Is that too hot, or is it good?" Ray asked as Kai bent down to get a feel for the temperature of the water that was still steadily rising in the tub.

            "It's fine." He looked at him and gripped the bar they'd installed in the wall so he could get in or out at his leisure or stand still if he needed to.

            "Thank you. I'll yell for you." Kai told him as he stepped and sunk in. His temperature instantly rose, but he couldn't help that.

            Ray stood there, he really didn't want to leave him after all the other times he had attacks today and who knew what was going on in the past right now. If Gou altered something else, Kai would fall face first into the water and potentially drown. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought, shaking it from his head as he made himself comfortable on the toilet just to the side.

            "Not like I haven't seen it before, but I don't feel leaving you by yourself right now is a good idea."

            Kai looked at him and rolled his eyes with a scoff. "Have I fell in here before?" He honestly couldn't recall if he had.

            "Yes." Ray answered in a breath, "Twice."

            "UGH, fine!" He couldn't believe this, being reduced to a nursing home patient. Now all that was left to do was get Depends and a wheelchair. This was humiliating. Boris and Voltaire would be laughing their butts off if they could see him, what he'd succumbed to, right now.

            Ray rolled his eyes at him; he was such a baby sometimes. Then again, it was a good sign seeing him like this. Meant he was still there, still alive and kicking with all he could despite everything.

            "Just get to scrubbing or I'm going to have to do it." Ray said with a cheeky smirk, maybe riling him up would get his mind off things; for the both of them.

            "Let me relax, will ya? This is embarrassing enough." A nervous laugh escaped. As much as he liked to say Gou was more of his mom, as he got older Kai saw more of himself in their child, odd ticks and laughs included.

            "Does your head still hurt? All the changes made have given everyone migraines. Are you okay?"

            "You act like I haven't seen you naked before." Ray shook his head, his cheeky smirk still on his lips. "I'm fine, nothing a few aspirin can't fix later." He waved off Kai's concern before something seemed to click in his head.

            "I wonder what it was he changed really, aside from how you broke up with her... I mean it's probably better than..." He trailed, somehow the memory he was trying to recall was fuzzy.

            Hilary had done something, that was why Kai met Saori in Russia, but he couldn't even remember what it was she had done now that ended their relationship to start with.

            "Shit... I don't even remember what it was she did..." He admitted quietly.

            "She cheated on me, I walked in on her. When the memories and lines merge, I have a feeling I won't regret the breakup." Kai's head went back against the cold, humid tile, his eyes glazing over at the flood of memories pouring in.

            In those there was a piece he could still recall clearly, meaning it hadn't been tampered with yet. It was one further down the line but still, he didn't know where they were at back there, not any specifications anyway.

            "Do you regret it, sleeping with me? Now that someone outside of us four knows it, how are you going to tell Lin?"

            Like a switch the memory clicked back, he remembered that now and he also remembered telling Kai that would happen.

            "So I was right... Well, guess this is better in the end for you." He said quietly again as Kai's question hit him, rendering him speechless for a minute as he thought over his answer.

            "No." He answered almost bluntly, looking up and meeting Kai's eyes. "I never have, never would. I don't know yet, I'm trying to worry about one thing at a time here though."

            "Just be honest with her. Answer her questions. As awkward as it'll be, you'll be happy you did it later." Kai swallowed the lump in his throat and went up for the shampoo.

            "Don't repeat my mistakes. I should've answered his questions. Maybe then I wouldn't worry about his mental safety or the possibility of him hating my guts." As Kai scrubbed away at his scalp he was practically begging Ray to listen.

            "Not unless she goes off and tells Mariah." Ray mumbled, though knew Kai could hear him. "Can just picture the phone call that will spark. 'Oh hi honey, yes I did sleep with Kai when we were teenagers. Oh, when? Hm, when you were sitting around a campfire back at Roberts castle some odd years ago. No he didn't force me, yes I was the bottom, no it was just the one time unless you count the jerk off session a year before that. Mhmm, yeah love you too.' Yup, gonna go real smooth there." Ray joked, hopefully just to make Kai laugh some more. He had missed that sound.

            Kai chuckled, a warmth filling his constantly throbbing chest. "I see, better pay her then. I've got a good bit in my wallet, give her some of that." Kai wasn't one for bribery but even _he_ was lost on what to do.

            Saori understood, hell, she was the one to prod him about it. He was lucky in that regard, Ray not so much. Mariah was the views and values of their village and who knew what she would do.

            "Ah yes, the good ol' trick of paying my child for her silence... Hell, it could work." He chuckled back, slightly shaking his head some before running a hand down his tired face.

            "Maybe it's not too late to have Gou run in there and stop us." He was only kidding, no way did he want to ever lose that night from his memories.

            “Don't you dare, you're not scarring my baby, he's scarred enough!" Papa Hiwatari was out again, this wasn't good.

            "I wouldn't even know when to send him!" Ray playfully argued back, "Max would know, I think... Maybe I should ask him what day it is there." He pretended to reach for his phone from his back pocket.

            Kai rinsed his hair one last time and then tossed some sudsy water onto the man beside him, careful to miss their phones. "That feels better."

            Ray jumped at the water being splashed on his face, "You asshole! I was only playing!" He laughed, wiping the suds off his face. "As hard as it's going to be telling her, and possibly Mariah... I don't want to forget that night..." He lowered his voice, showing Kai he meant every word. That he was sincere and that hopefully, even if it didn't do either of them any damn good, that Kai would see how much he still loved him.

            "You can do this. And I know it's more of a family affair, but I'll lend you a hand if you need it." Kai looked away, his hands lowering into the now lukewarm warm water as a blush worked its way across his nose.

            "I won't forget it either, neither of them." It was small, subtle, but maybe he'd get the hint.

            "I'll figure it out, like I said. Let me handle one thing at a time right now, if she tells Mariah before I get a chance to bribe her with dirty money or talk to her about it, oh well. Nothing I can really do about it, right?" He asked, his own faint blush coming across his face. He heard the hint, and it shattered his heart just like that night had.

            He had to let him go, had hoped he would have been able to but with the way he was there now, keeping him from dying, wasn't just because Kai was a friend. It was because if Kai died, he knew a piece of him would die along beside him.

            "You um..." He cleared his throat, finding it hard to talk suddenly like he was a teenager all over again. "You ready to get out?"

            "Yeah, startin' to shake a bit."

            Kai took hold of the shower rod above his head and hoisted himself up, only to slip and land on his knees. There was a pop in his shoulder, where he tried to hold himself steady, and that sent lighting through his spine. He pushed himself up and tripped into Ray's hold.

            "I hate this." He muffled tearfully into Ray's stained spattered white shirt. Now he'd had enough, breaking down completely. Why him, why now, why at all?

            "I know baby..." Ray pulled him out, making sure he was steady enough to grab the towel off the rack and pat him down before putting it around his waist, and grabbed another to cover his hair. He'd have to be quick again, get him dressed and under the covers before he got too bad.

            It was all routine, all terrible and dreadful and every time it could be the last.

            Ray pulled him back into the bedroom, sitting Kai down on the bed and went to the closet for a pair of clean clothes. Inside the closet was an almost overflowing hamper, he'd have to wash those clothes as well as his own after today; just one more chore to do.

            He came back, being mindful of keeping the clean clothes away from his stained ones, and removed the towel off Kai's head for him and carefully slipped the shirt over his head, letting Kai get his arms through at his own pace.

            "Bit backwards to the last time, don't you think?" He chuckled some with another blush racing along his cheeks, it was wrong to even talk about now that he was married but he couldn't think of anything else at the moment just to lighten the mood again. Just to make Kai not think about the bad, to see him smile even if it was brief.

            Kai just smiled, tiredness seeping its claws into him again. "Bit of a strange way to look at this, but yeah." Kai squirmed into his pants, deciding to go commando. "I can't believe you're not gonna tell Max off." The amused expression on Kai's face becoming more noticeable.

            "I certainly will if he goes after any of the kids, your baby girl notably. They're _children,_ children are tiny dumbasses!"

            Ray arched a brow at him, "Why would I go after Max?"

            "His big mouth is the reason Gou's in this dangerous mess in the first place and if he comes in rattling off like he did before, I'm sewing his trap shut."

            Ray only nodded as he collected the towels off the bed before they soaked into the sheets, "I already went off on him earlier, but really it's your younger self I'd like to beat over the head right now."

            "You and me both Kitten." Kai looked around the room, feeling like something was missing.

            "Hey?"

            Gold eyes looked in his direction.

            "Where's Driger?"

            Ray's brow arched again in question, finding the sudden question odd at the moment. "Left him on the dresser in the other room, why?"

            "Are you sure? Lin time traveled, right? Go check." There was this odd urgency in the air and something didn't feel right.

            "Okay." Ray tossed the towels he had been holding into the closet as he passed it, going out into the hall and to his and Lin's room.

            Kai watched Ray leave, only to hear shouting a minute later and see Ray return soon after.

            "So she _did_ steal it, dumbass kids."

            "I am seriously fixing to call her mother and have her come get her, I can't be dealing with this!" Ray angrily shoved Driger into his pocket, as much as he got in the way it was better for him to stay there from now on.

            "You need to get some sleep; I didn't realize it was already eleven." He directed at Kai on the bed, going back into the closet to grab the hamper and the towels he had carelessly tossed in there.

            "Ray, don't beat her up too much. She probably did it because Gou has Dranzer. Honestly, she did the smart thing. I know in your stress it's hard to see that, but learn to see your daughter as more than just your child. She's growing into her own. Don't get me wrong, I'd be pissed too if the roles were reversed but try to see it through her eyes, she's just mimicking her captain."

            Kai got under the covers and relaxed into his pillows. Like he really wanted to sleep, it was all he did. Either that or have bouts of puking craziness.

            "It's not an excuse, Kai. I get that she's trying to help, that she's trying to be this grown up kid but it's _not_ helping. It's not helping you, it's not helping Gou, and it's not helping me in any of this." Ray shook his head, holding the hamper at his side as he came out of the closet with it.

            "I'm sorry, me ranting off to you isn't helping you either." He sat the hamper back down by the door, going off to Kai's dresser and opening the top drawer where he knew he kept his pack of cigarettes and fished out a new pack.

            "I'll see you in the morning, yell if you need me."

            "Right. Night, _Mrs_. Kon." Kai yelled after him playfully. He was worse than a woman some days.

            "Shove it Hiwatari!" Ray yelled back from down the hall, the hamper back under his arm. "Or I'll shove _my_ ten up your ass!"

            Kai laughed a bit before a coughing fit hit, the steam from the bath was to blame this time. It opened up his airways but not in the best way. At least not by his logic. Once that was over, Kai rolled over with a limp plop and shifted again, sleep quick to take him.

                                                                        *************************

            Somewhere around four in the morning, with everything hurting down from his neck, to the joints in his fingers, and the remainder of a migraine, Ray finally found himself outside in the early morning. Keeping himself comfortable on the concrete step to the front door, his knees drawn up near his chest with his feet firmly planted on the ground. One arm propped up, between his fingers a cigarette that he had been sucking down slowly for some time now, while his other arm was carelessly draped over his lap and pinned between his legs and stomach.

            It was just another sleepless night for him, after all the scrubbing he had done not only to the inside of the living room but to himself as well he hadn’t found a reason to go to bed. Tyson was going to have a cow when he showed up in a few hours at the dark circles under his eyes, no doubt he'd send him right off to bed to rest.

            As a gentle breeze blew by him, once more taking a slow inhale on the cigarette between his fingers, the soft steps of someone coming up beside him through the grass caught his attention. His head snapping to the right of the sound and the person approaching.

            "Thought you hated those." Kai smirked at him and Ray could only blink at him a few times.

            The man he saw before him wasn't the same man he had just spent all day with, no this was the younger Kai. The one he had practically grown up with; donned in his white flowing scarf that hung around his broad neck and shoulders, blue warpaint precisely painted on his pale and plump cheeks with that damned smirk on lips that weren’t stained with splatters of blood.

            “I must be seeing things, you can’t be here, you’re...” Ray trailed out in a hush, his eyes full of disbelief. But if this was a mirage, he didn’t want it to disappear. He wanted to remember the man he loved this way, healthy and strong.

            “I have them sometimes.” He uttered, his mind coming back down into the realm of coherency. “I thought you put them down.”

            "Didn't think all my bad habits rubbed off on you." Kai responded coolly, coming to stand just where the grass and concrete path met. Standing tall over him, though not in an imposing way. His shoulders were relaxed, his right hand tucked in the pocket of his purple pants.

            "Put what down?" He asked in a calm tone, seeing the way Ray looked broken down suddenly.

            To him, he was seeing the same eighteen year old version of Ray sitting there in front of him. Though, this eighteen year old looked ragged, tired, and on the verge of a breakdown and he didn't know why but felt he needed to come and talk to him.

            “I thought you put your soldier visage away, and the smokes. Guess I was wrong.” Ray puffed and blew out toward the moon with a halo ring around it. He knew that signaled rain, so he’d have to bundle Kai up in his thermal later. That man hated being cold.

            “I was wrong about a lot of things. One of them being that she’d make me happy, that’s for damn sure.” Ray finished, the smoky remnants of the puff still flowing out, the darkened sky making it pop out more than usual.

            Kai moved towards the wall of the house, putting his back against it and standing close to Ray enough he could touch him if he wanted. His crimson eyes moving up to the sky, his arms coming around his chest.

            "I may not be active, but I'll always be me. No matter how damaged or broken my body might become, I'll still fight." He said as he kept his eyes on the moon above them, knowing Ray would understand what he was meaning.

            There might have been no more threats, no more masters playing with his life, but he would always still be their little toy soldier. He had just been lucky to break the chains, and he had the friends he had made along the way to thank for that.

            "Then do something about it, put up a fight. You've always pleased people, put others above yourself and it sucks the life out of you."

            Ray turned to him and snorted. “Literally.” He turned away and put the stick between his lips. “As for doing something about it,” He started, his now free hand laying with his other arm. “Little late, don’t ya think?”

            Ray stood up and went over to Kai, standing next to him. “Why am I seeing you? Do I come across as _that_ lonely?”

            "They got what they wanted from you, didn't they?" Kai asked as he came to stand beside him, leaning his head back against the wall to look at him.

            "You made good on your promise; you can change it now where you put yourself first. If you wanted." He said in a calm tone, his shoulders going slightly up at Ray's question before taking the cigarette from Ray's lips and flicked it across the yard.

            "Yes." He answered, turning to stand in front of him now. Pinning Ray between the wall and him without touching each other and enough space they were comfortable.      

            Ray took in a breath, admitting defeat. He looked Kai over, the man he longed for still just beyond his reach.

            “Why couldn’t it have been you?” He didn’t mean for it to, but it sounded so devastatingly broken. Years of pent up pain, mainly the past month, came pouring from his eyes but he did nothing to hinder it.

            Kai reached up, brushing back the tears that were falling down Ray's cheeks. "Why is it every time we talk about this, you cry?" He asked in a soft voice, "It could have been, you know, if you had put up a fight about it. I'm not mad at you, and you shouldn't be mad at yourself over it though. It's what it is now Kitten."

            Ray looked at the ground and cleared his throat. “I cry because nothing else works... And I shed the tears that you won’t.” He licked his lips, the tips of his fangs brushing his dried bottom lip slightly, hinting at his unraveled nerves.

            “Out of everything, all the bullshit that’s happened, I’ve gained a lot of good things though.” A smile briefly crossed his face before reality set in and it faded.

            Was he talking to this man because Kai was dead? The panic to head inside rushed through his body, making it heat up and his heart pound but then a little voice in his head told him to be logical, that Kai was upstairs sleeping. This was just a dream, and for the first time in forever, a welcomed one. He eyed him, a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in years washing over him.

            “I’m sure you can guess all those.”

            "I probably can, but why don't you tell me?" Kai asked as he tucked the black locks that framed Ray's face behind a pointed ear, retracting his hand and letting it fall back to his side.

            “Well, the kids for starters, get to go where I please with no questions asked. Even Mariah can’t ask where I’m going off to most of the time, because I trump her in power. Last but not least I... I got to keep seeing you and the guys.”

            Ray felt butterflies in his stomach, the image before him bringing back when he first fell for him. Sometime after the BEGA tournament was when he realized how he felt. It took Kai a bit longer to see it, but eventually he felt the same and right about when they’d thought about dating, he got slapped with a proposal.

            "Then why not hand over that power? You're running away from your problems; I can see it in your eyes and the way you hold yourself and at this rate. You're not going to be able to keep running, you'll drain out of your energy and end up no better than that sad excuse of a man inside that house." Kai said as he glanced past Ray's shoulder to the home he was leaning against.

            “Don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel.” Ray mocked, “I’ve thought about it, but it really does take two to run that place. I couldn’t do that to her, and Lin would _hate_ me.” Ray moved away from the house, his hips pushing him off. “I know it sounds like an excuse, and I’ll admit, I _am_ running away from them but right now I can’t focus on me, I got a man to save.”

            "If you can't save yourself, you won't be able to save anybody else." Kai said as he stepped away from him to match Ray's step forward. Keeping their eyes on the others through the small movement, not once had he looked away from him.

            "And I thought you loved me for my bluntness?" He asked in a more flirty tone, arching a slate brow at him.

            Ray did the same back, mirroring his expression. “I do, but I’ve had a lot of it recently. And right now, all I wanna do is strangle you when you do it.” Ray laughed after that, he wouldn’t do that, Kai just got on his nerves at times. It happened when you relived with someone after so many years.

            “Lin seems to have taken a liking to Gou, though I’m not sure he realizes that. He’s dense in that department, just like someone else I know.”

            "Gets it from his mother." Kai muttered with a tint of pink across the bridge of his nose, though smiled since he had gotten him to laugh. "She's a good kid, you know. She was just trying to help me, don't be too hard on her. It's not her fault, she was just trying to take some weight off your shoulders."

            Ray sighed. “I know, but she _knows_ better and to take Driger on top of that. I just lost it. I get that from you, ya know.” He sat down on the step again, but he hardly broke eye contact.

            “She is a good kid, and maybe she’ll keep that boy of yours inline, like your _wife_ did for a while. You’ve taught him well, but gods he reminds me of you.”

            Kai snorted, moving with him and sat down beside him. Breaking their eye contact they had and focusing back up on the moon above them, the changes in the morning colors as night was slowly turning into day.

            "Should stop hanging around me so much there then, Kitten. And you've done well yourself, with Lin and all that you've had to go through. What you're being put through now, I've never made this easy on you. Start to finish. With just about everything." He shook his head some, his lips slightly upturning into a soft smile.

            "If she can, she has all my respect. Then again, she'd be taking on something you did and hell. Would you want to do that all over again?" He chuckled slightly, finally turning to look at Ray beside him again.

            Ray playfully nudged him in the arm with a laugh. “Gladly, and nothing in life is ever easy, we just make what we can of it.” He watched the sky turn purple in the distance, reminiscent of a painting a rookie artist would do.

            “Out of all of us, I honestly never expected Tyson to have a son. Who’d want to bang Tyson? No offense to the man.”

            Kai tapped his chin as his smile turned more coy, "I think you were wrong then, you said he and Max were going to get together."

            “I did, didn’t I?” Ray had honestly forgotten he’d said anything like that. Yet he remembered lustfully jerking him off, brains were weird.

            “I was kind of right though. Tyson got divorced and they ended up living together to raise Makoto. I bet they’re dating though, just hiding it well.”

            "Living the dream." Kai mused quietly. "And does Makoto hate him, for divorcing his mother?"

            “No, says she was mean to him. From what I’ve heard him tell Lin, she once threatened to drown Dragoon and his terrier puppy Cilantro in the tub. Tyson walked in on her screaming at him to stop crying and that’s when the proceedings started. Met her once, didn’t care for her.”

            The sky was becoming pink and lilac now, indicating the sun’s slow arrival.

            "Glad he figured that out then, and that Makoto is out of that." Kai nodded a little at his own words, reaching back up and brushing the loose strand of hair that had fallen out from behind Ray's ear.

            "Need to sleep Kitten, before you collapse and we're both useless pieces of shit in there."

            Ray took the hand that moved his hair and held it to his cheek, not wanting any of this to end. “I will, on one condition.” His features became soft, relaxing into the heated palm, revealing just _how_ drained he was and how gaunt he looked. He was really looking old.

            Kai gently rubbed his thumb against Ray's cheek, not pulling away from him. The palm of his hand radiating it's natural warmth that had been lost long ago, but Ray had to remind himself that this wasn't the same Kai as the one inside the house right now.

            "Name it." Was all he said. For Ray, he'd do anything and everything, that had never changed and never would.

            A breeze blew by, pulling with it the snow that was going fall in next few hours. Snow and the Christmas season, how fitting. Though the bells for this one, at least for him and the others involved, rang hollow. They echoed sad songs and sweet wishes that all prayed wouldn’t wither with the cold.

            “Hang on, keep fighting.” The brisk and bitter breeze tossed his gray and black locks to one side, taking a few of his liquid crystals with it, like a gentle finger wiping them away.

            "I haven't stopped." Kai smiled faintly, "For Gou, the others... And you." He leaned in, guiding Ray towards him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek as he moved his hand away.

            Ray watched him disappear, latterly feeling his body slip away from his hold, him.

            At the sound of a loud truck, Ray snapped his gaze to the long driveway, seeing that Tyson was pulling in. His shift was done, but could he leave his post now? His heart ached with worry and like the ailing man upstairs, wasn’t sleeping very well.

            “Morning, Ray.” Tyson said as he approached him. “It’s near freezing out here, what are you doing outside? You look like Hell warmed over, get to bed.” He said as he shooed the man inside, animatedly moving his hands.

            Ray got up, his overworked knees popping and cracked out his back. “Morning Ty.” He wiped his face, just so Tyson wouldn’t ask him what was going on and why he was crying sitting outside alone.

            “Didn’t sleep again, did you?” Tyson asked as he put his hands on his hips with a sigh, “Ray, man. I know this is hard, but you can’t stop taking care of yourself too. Stop punishing yourself over this.”

            Ray could only nod, “I’ll leave you to it then, see you in a few hours.” He waved over his shoulder at him, slipping into the house with Tyson not too far behind him.

            They parted ways once inside, the left over smell of bleach still lingering in the air, Ray going up the stairs to his and Lin’s room and Tyson going to the kitchen to get breakfast going. Bypassing his and Lin’s room Ray continued down the hall to the last door, he just needed to check on him one last time before he could sleep.

            Peeking inside, Ray could see the slow rise and fall of Kai’s chest with each ragged breath he took. His eyes closed, for once actually looking like he was sleeping peacefully and that was enough to settle Ray’s worries for just a bit longer. Quietly he closed the door behind him, going back to his room and settled down on the bed beside his still sleeping daughter. Brushing back her hair fondly until he could no longer keep his eyes open, sleep clawing its way through his tired body and he finally relaxed into the mattress.

            _“Because I want you to know that you are loved, and by no one more than me.”_

_"I love you too."_

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of had the thought in my head that the younger Kai Ray ends up talking to is more of him talking to himself. That all the things Kai says to him, about how he can have the chance to put himself first is something he's been telling himself for a long time but he won't put the burden on other people, it's not who he is and why he's ended up in the situation he currently is in. There are parts to the two talking, that do reflect what Kai probably would say to him, though for the most part Ray has gone a bit crazy.


End file.
